Cass Unspoken

 it’s fine  don’t worry  i’m stepping out of this body to understand something better  I never felt like I could put my feet up anyway  The coasters on the coffee table weren’t used  The wood is still wet  I always asked for tea but you never bought it  I didn’t want to ask for tea anyway, I guess i’ll just have water  It’s dirty in here, I can’t sit down  I didn’t want to move my chair over anyway  It smells like grass and old books  I didn’t want to read to you anyway You can keep it all to yourself I’ve already changed out of my clothes  I didn’t want you to see my outfit anyway The carpet is scratchy  I can’t play my record anymore  I sold them to someone else  I didn’t want to dance anyway  But here now in this new body  I can rest my feet on your lap  I love feeling your warmth anyway  You got me a coaster for no apparent reason  The wood is dry  We had no tables, you gave...

 i’m wrapped up  and here I am living despite the suffocation  I don’t deserve this  and here I am being loved despite the hardness of my heart  I forget how to walk  and here I am walking on the waters before me and ground that shakes  I’ve turned away  and here you are standing before me /despite it all/

 to be empty and still be full to be nothing and yet everything  to feel at all  as if in a delicate dance of patience and fire twisted and ever so sure that it could fit i’m left here  life dirt and water  no one could really understand the mess but that’s what you were using  the garden is tended  the vines were green and all I could do was reach you were loving  and all I could do was reach like a delicate balance of green and joy  you understood  you understood the dirt and water  and somehow you crafted  I want to understand like you do  I want to love like you do  like a delicate balance of love and sacrifice  you were reaching and I was reaching  and somehow  someway  we danced /dirt and water/

 paint smeared on the leaves of trees water gushing from the rocks that we climb  lightning strikes and the ground is now a canvas of prime  we dive deeper into the puddles of purple and blue  soon we will see tree trunks touch the sky  soon we will see leaves float  the puddles will drip onto our foreheads  we can sleep on each and every cloud until we feel weightless  what does it matter anymore to be grey when everything around us is tainted in prime  lightning is cold  we can climb endlessly  there isn’t an end this is the upside of things 

 •thin• the dirt stole my courage  my hands grip my shoulders  I cross my legs until the insides of my thighs go numb  I melt in front of the mirror in my room  I look as though I was never meant to walk  My bones rattle as I take each step down my stairs  Dragging every last part of myself just to come right back to the dirt where it all started  i’m not sure if the dirt ever stole my courage  I may have planted it there  No water  No sun  and i’ll never have the motivation to dig it back up

 •breakables one beat after another  it bangs in my chest  like a drum without a sound  without a bass without a rhythm  i’m the only one who can feel it’s aching thunder  like something trying to burst through the skin  who is behind the sticks? I really will never know  no cymbals no shells but i know the feeling of this drum  it doesn’t stop until the song ends  and it’s only the beginning

 I have not seen these scribbles for a while but tonight is a new kind of hurt the hurt that drives you insane until you can’t feel your fingertips on your skin anymore  the way my bed is curved brings me closer  the sun no longer sees my face because I hide my teeth and tongue do not touch  my legs shake and I can’t stand  are you there?  my head keeps turning but I can’t see you  this hurt is poison  this hurt is a dagger  But I will not be Juliet  everything is still beautiful  the eyes are still brown  my heart still beats this hurt will fade eventually  but tonight please let me cry

 my heart says now i’ve become undone  the music is turned down and i’m finally listening  can you hear it? the sound of victory  because He’s won today and everyday forward  His love is never finished  and neither am I so why now? because the sky is aligned  my hands are cracked and dry my eyes are droopy and tired  what a better time than a broken time  vulnerability is our friend  so here we are arms wide open  receiving grace •January 1st, 2018•

 Sometimes the past lingers  It sits in my finger nails and waits for me to pick my teeth  I wash my hands again and again but then it spreads to my palms  Every hand shake and grasp turns bitter  I wish I knew how to forget those smells  The rotting and dusty beds  I threw away my old shoes and walked bare until I got blisters  And then I was greeted with a new smell  A new hand  How the past seems now Like just a bad dream  I no longer feel the aches of sorrow in my knees My belly doesn’t quake  My chest rises and falls as it should  •Just as it should•

 I guess it’s okay to be left on the bleachers sometimes  Because in that moment, you get time  Nothing feels fast  Your brain is racing but your feet are still You observe  You hydrate  You think What’s next? I just wish I didn’t feel so comfortable here  The bleachers can be a little too familiar at times  I wish I wanted to run on the field  I wish I knew how to compile all my thoughts, all the mistakes and put them in categories  But my insecurities live in my stomach  My anger lives in my fists  My love lives in my head  My mistakes live on my arms  I wish they could live at Your feet  I wish these things brought me to my knees  My jeans are ripped on purpose because I can’t hide what I’ve done  I can’t hide who I am So bring me to the field  It’s 0-infinity because You’re always winning But You still give me the trophy •Game Plan•

 i'm afraid of guns  i'm afraid of night  i'm afraid of collisions  i'm afraid of fear  but i'm also afraid of me  my hands are pistols my eyes are sewn shut  I can't reach the gas pedal on my car  I've collided with every tree and pedestrian that has ever crossed my path  Is it over? Can I unlace the stitches yet? It's dark in this hallway, but I see the white at the end of the tunnel  I run closer and closer, but it's me  My hands pointed towards my belly  Where do I run when every corner is my biggest fear? When do I get to throw it all away and meet You face to face like You always said it would be When can I stop being dead? When can I put my hands down? i'm also afraid of questioning I'm afraid of doubting  i'm afraid of being afraid The dark is more comfortable now  My hands are covered with cloth  The car door is locked and the keys are hidden under the couch cushions  But i'm still here, staring at ...

 my heart is on fire  my feet dance on the coals but I feel no heat  I will dance without fear  I will dance without judgement  The fire grows and yet I still dwell inside  i've been sitting for too long now and my feet long for the blisters  teach me to dance  •in the fire•

 I've traveled this far to walk on rose petals and bricks Soft and breakable  I'm uneasy when i'm trying to plant my garden Weeds choke and gobble up my handy work Blisters form and I begin to think that my garden may never be perfect  That everything grows lop sided I've pulled enough out of the ground to see the dirt underneath  The bugs that live in harmony and love the earth  My wheel barrel is full and I have nowhere to dump this disease  Everything is too heavy so I let my garden spoil  Until my lilies cry out for air  Why can't I save this place? My hands no longer leak so my garden stays dry I watch from my window and see it slowly fade The colors from green to brown  I've forgotten how to use a shovel  To get rid of this disease that's spread through my garden Teach me how to hold it again I've lost my grip and now the rains have stopped  •a messy poem about gardens I used to tend to•

 The moon light is hitting my bed just right tonight  I know in the morning I will wake up to a glowing abundance of warmth  That the birds will sing my favorite hymn  I will be radiant  I will be bold  I will be the sun  My heart bursting out of my chest saying, "Here I am" But I want to show "Here You are" Forever I will step aside  That You made the sun to live in me  I will no longer be a passing cloud  My name engraved in Your palms and Yours sewn in mine  Spread me like wildfire  Scorch my soaked heart  For You are my oxygen  •sun kissed•

 we're waiting  trying to see the earth from a different angle  trying to figure out this mess we've made out of broken bones and frantic metaphors  trying to piece ourselves back to the way we used to be  when things were...okay just okay even then we wanted more  what makes it any different when the clocks ran past us we've stopped to examine the mess instead of the hope that lies ahead waiting for us to notice  fingers clutch shattered letters of regret  train tickets to the future locked in a box under our beds but still we complain we haven't moved  that the clock has beat us where is the passion? where has the excitement gone? stop waiting  keep trying, cause sometimes that's all we can do  •trying to move•

 To the kids who paint outside the lines  Draw on the walls and on their siblings faces To the thirteen year olds with flower skirts and favorite princesses  Who dream of saving animals and planting trees  To the high schooler in the back of the class writing his next poem  Or the crying girl in the school bathroom wiping her tears and moving on to her next class You are special  God painted all of you  Your frame work should be displayed on the highest mantel  Your face should be carved in mountains  Your soul sung from the hill tops  You've been struck and cut and burned more times than you can remember  I'm so proud of you More than you'll ever know Don't dump your tears in the ocean  God is collecting all of them  The gallons and gallons you've showered the earth with  Not one drop goes to waste You are loved beyond all measure  You were created to create  So draw on your legs, sing at the top of your lu...

 That heaviness in your chest is something you shouldn't ignore  That light feeling in your fingers is something to hold onto  The soreness in your feet is something you should push through  The sleepiness in your eyes is something you should recognize  The stabbing in your stomach is something that won't go away  The way we describe our loved ones  The tingling feeling we get when we hear our favorite song  How frustrated we get when our painting isn't perfect like our favorite artist  We always tell ourselves "I wish I didn't feel like this" or "I shouldn't feel like this" When others tell us we over exaggerate the feeling in our chest  Or overthink the situations in our minds  We should not simply glance over our emotions  It's the one thing that makes us human  Sympathy, love, hate, envy, lust  There's always a dark side to each twisted passion  This instinctive state of mind sometimes overrides our reasoning...

 I need to tell you something  Something you might need  That thing that destroys you from the inside out  The thing that keeps you up at night and eats at your mind  The thing that wraps itself around your ribs and straggles your heart  That keeps you in bed  That keeps your to-do list undone  The thing you fight through or try to brush off when you are surrounded by people You put on a silly face and call it nothing  You say it doesn't mean a thing even when your face is stained with tears  When you wonder and process why you have to go through this  You rock yourself to sleep and sing your own lullaby  You aren't alone in this chaos  And you aren't the only one hiding •pep talk•

 I wish days were as simple as flying a kite  Letting the wind catch it softly and lifting it into the air  Getting that running start  Looking back and seeing the kite climb higher  But I guess it isn't so easy Wind eventually loses its battle with gravity and your kite collides with the cold earth  You begin to wonder if it will ever fly again  We are all kites  Kissing the wind and pushing away the gravity  Trying not to crash  But this is just a metaphor  I wish I was a kite  Only worrying about the space between the clouds and the skyline Gusts of wind pinching my blue cheeks  Traveling anywhere I want to go  I wish it was that easy  But this is just a metaphor  I am grounded  Wind cannot catch me  I cannot get a running start and climb the horizon  If I was a kite I would have no direction  No destination  In the space between the clouds and the skyline  Letting go  T...

 The fog was a dome of ash and light  A night of music filling the spaces of the car seats  The highway empty of metal elephants and their riders  The blanket of white sleeping on the sides of the painted road  60 miles per hour  But everything is slow  The music, the fog, the emptiness  You can't see the end of the road  You drive into the growing darkness There is no end and no beginning, just a small space between the light of your car and the fog  You're afraid of crashing  Everything is slow  You know every detail of the impact  Like jumping into clear water, the glass springs into you  Your head hitting the back of the seat  Losing your grip of the wheel  The fog covered up the crash  You are hidden in the dark ash  The snow covers up the glass and skid marks Nature tries to cover up its tracks  •the ride is never over• 

 A new atmosphere  A new road  New children and new parents  The sky looks brighter  The ground is decorated with broken glass and garbage  Houses topped with metal sheets  Flowers growing wildly in every crack in the road  Barefoot and dangerous  Singing songs and banging on trash cans  This is where I long to be again  The sun on my neck  And children begging to be held up to the sky  Talking with a different tongue  But with the same heart as mine  God printed in their palms  Raised higher and higher  But here I see the dirty  The broken and outcasted lives  Heads held low and quiet voices  But with the same heart as mine  I too am like them  Broken and searching  And I remember it all  Living there  Seeing their souls dance for God  I am in awe And I long to be like them  •i'll never forget this place•

 I guess i'm just trying to figure out what it all means  What the constant late nights and soaked feet are all for  Beyond my own words  The ones i've been freely given  Show me a new  Instead of staring at the map on my bedroom wall  Bring me there  I may be far from Your peace, carry me back  This atmosphere is too familiar and I am suffocating  Clean the air  Clean my heart  Carry me somewhere beyond these four walls  You've decided my placement  Because you were the payment  Now take my withered heart in Your hands  Lead me Carry me Because you are what lies beyond  •I'm not where I used to be•

 I am greeted today with a heavy longing  Something so vast and pure  I can see it trail off into the distance  The sea carries it off and brings it back  Crashing it against the shore  Eroding it and shaping it  Smoothing it  Eventually to be left on shore shaking hands with each grain of sand  Heavy longing To be picked up by wandering hands  Watching the sky fall and rise from blue to pink  Wondering what other colors can fit in the cracks of the clouds  Once afraid of the sea  But now waiting to be washed through every crash  A longing to be pure again  Waiting to be shaped again  Into something new  •you'll find me here•

 Fire escapes and exit signs could never lead me out of here  Paramedics and fireman could not save me  I'm thrown into the rising flames and twisted smoke  Filling my lungs with poison and metaphors  And I believe this is the end  I'm a score  A grade  I'm told I can achieve anything  But there's so many others who have torn apart their own dream to reach someone else's expectations  And i'm here, burning in my own disaster  But I rather die here in my own flames then breathe in societies smoke  •crashing and burning•

 i'm a working progress my bones still crack easily my back is still hunched my blood is thin  my hair is tangled my eyes are still being colored in I have paint on my hands  but my body is not my own masterpiece  I am only the keeper  If I drew on my own skin, the infection would spread only You can put me back together again perfectly placed In your own image  •progress•

 •the zebra•  I'll never be like them  The way they dress, the way they talk, the things they do I'll never do any of it  I am a zebra amongst horses  An outlier on a graph  A leafless tree in the summer I bloom blue instead of green  My clock spins backwards  I have lavender eyes and yellow blood  I communicate with a pencil instead of a tongue  I cannot see road signs  Red means go and green means stop  I am not unique, I am different  I've been taught to only paint in black and white  The acrylic colors under my finger nails are drained from me  Stories become my own fantasy  I could fill books with my mistakes  I'll pick up my finger instead of a paint brush and I am thrown out of the classroom The teacher says I am not like other students  I tell her I am a zebra  She pats me in the back and sends me back into the classroom I glance around the room and imagine a zoo But I am the only attr...

 If you continue to put toxic things into yourself  Using needles Smashing bottles  Putting out buds Barely able to hold yourself up and walk  That the pleasure you find in it kept you alive  But you know it isn't enough  How can you do all these things and say that you can take care of another person  That you can ever show love for someone else  How could you ever keep someone up if you keep falling down yourself  Your blood is toxic  Stop passing it on  •disease•

 The snow always seemed to fall at the wrong times  The earth would be painted over in a clean white  Cars stopped and children were overjoyed  Adults would struggle to dig themselves out of their own doorways But I stay in my house  Watching the wretched flakes fall from a grey sky  The white blinding  Wrong time  I wasn't ready to dig myself out of my doorway  I remember how easy it was to run to the mailbox  Now it takes a century just to hike through the driveway  The white ash covering my knees  trudging like a drunk  Always at the wrong times  but here I sit reading your words over in the white ashes •reading white ashes•

 •and I will continue with this•  Sometimes I forget where I truly stand  In this place of grace and peace  That sweet and delicate feeling of emptiness  The good kind Not when your heart is heavy and destructive  But when it is so full And it starts to overflow and empty onto other people  We need to all end up with this feeling  Not like you're on top of a mountain  Not like you're the one who put the flag right on the tip  No no you should be honored to dwell here  In this place of forgiveness and peace  This unfailing love and wonder  How dare we criticize the author of our thoughts and our shape  I'm standing here now and finally realizing what it's all about  To look up and remember what really lies before me  I don't know what the future holds  But I'm grasping this need of eternity with my savior  My present and past are messy  And so is my future  I'm going to trip and stumble...

 •The year we seemed to all fall apart• It seems as if everyone fell in the same ditch  Like everyone crashed the same car  Except it was more than once  The damage was scarring and messy  The hospital was full of crying and bruised patients  Balloons littering every room  Get well cards as big as billboards  Signed by people we didn't even know existed  Because people notice pain  People notice the agony and suffering around every hidden corner  The old man with no home  The little girl struggling with cancer  The orphan who forgot what getting held by a mother felt like  We notice  And we blame  We blame the doctors, the parents, the relatives, the teachers But we all blame God  He holds the earth in the palm of his hand Doesn't He see it? The pain  The suffering  He does indeed  And He weeps  God, the one who stretched the sea and carved the mountains weeps for us  But we los...

 •I refuse to miss my last hours•  I knew seconds would turn to minutes  And minutes would turn to hours  And hours would turn to days  And days would turn to years I knew every moment was another chance  But I let the sunlight slip through my finger tips  I waved my shadow goodbye and the next sunrise was preparing I didn't know I'd end up here  Stuck in a fast forward  Endless sunrises and sunsets  And I never even stopped to marvel at their wonder The snow would dry up and flowers bloomed  And I never even stopped to pick them  To look closer and see busy bees and fat worms  Stuck in a fast forward  I thought I had enough time  I thought I had enough sunsets  Enough flowers to pick But time snatched them all away from me  I've written about ticking clocks before  But I was so naive  Such a hypocrite  I would write about my future  The things I would accomplish and the places I wou...

 •nothing left behind•  I'm putting prices on my heart  It gets lower and lower the longer I wait  I've torn my chest open too many times  Revealing and exposing this dark pit strung next to my lungs  I'd love to crawl through my arteries Fix every sickle blood cell  It doesn't feel the same  Losing my oxygen, turning my blood blue  Staring at the ash sleeping in my palm Not much bigger than my fist  Pulling a needle and thread  Trying to stitch it back inside  My chest is a cabinet during a family dinner  Plate after plate is passed around, Each filled to the brim  Everyone grabs their keys and leaves in the snowy weather  The plates are stacked in the kitchen sink along with the forks and knives  Empty and dirty  Some are scratched and cracked  Soon to be thrown away  And only some are to be cleaned  All go back into my cabinet  Never the same, and soon to be taken out again  ...

 •walk or move in a leisurely, casual, or aimless way• I've been known to wander  Into forest and groves  Under oceans and lakes  In the cracks of my bedroom walls  In between the rests of my music  Wanting to rest in the sounds and warmth  Covering myself in words and photographs  Worrying about memories  Stressing over future ones  Avoiding hands and bright eyes  I'm gripping my bed sheets and lying in the folds  Drying up  Getting lost in my desert  Fantasy my own realm of reality  Reality my own realm of nightmares  Waking up in a dome of ash  When will I stop wandering?  And people have noticed  I'm not the same as I was  I remember I used to be so sure of where I was wandering off to  But some of the trees have been cut down and the oceans are empty of beautiful creatures  I used to ride those dolphins and feed the fishes Distance does not exist  It's never ending...

 •doubt or destination•  What does it mean to be enough? Because I've searched in every boys hands  In my parents sticky and frantic words My friends bold and daring eyes In the poems I write on my arms and legs  In between the lyrics of the songs I belt from my bedroom window  In the spines of books  Or in the depths of my own being  I've never seemed to find that I'm enough for this wondrous and vast animation  Darkness has choked me  Fear has tripped me  My own thoughts have consumed me  It's a distraction  None of that lasts forever  And none of it should determine your identity  Doubt is a cruel swordsman  He cheats and lies his way around your mind  Stabbing and prodding at every single little spark of light  Someone once told me  Doubt your doubts  If you let it take ahold of you, you will not move forward  You will never achieve your greatest goals or overcome your deepest fears...

 •Is this thing on?• Has it hit you yet?  And if it has, where has it gotten you? In your stomach? In you heart? In your head? Because I don't know if these words are hitting the right notes  Have I been throwing up gibberish this whole time? Please tell me  Have these sentences pulled at every string in your body? I want to grab ahold of you for one minute, just to show you that life is beautiful and scary  To explain myself in a few words  But everything I've been telling you isn't just for you and me  There's a greater symphony being conducted  Have I gotten your attention? Because I can't hold my tongue any longer  I'm going to tell you stories of Pirates and sea monsters  How the prince saved the princess and lived happily ever after An adventure through space discovering the galaxies  Your job is to figure out what it all means  Because this life is wonderful beyond all measure  We choose to reach in the gutter and p...

 •when where why how who•  How do you remember things?  Dancing  I remember dancing  The sound of our feet hitting the kitchen floor  The scratch of the CD that was obviously played way too many times  But it didn't matter We knew every word to every song  I remember running The sound of my heart pumping blood throughout my body telling everything to stay alive  My feet didn't take me anywhere  I'd always come back to the same conclusion  I wanted to become the skyline  But I never even got close to the shore  I remember breathing  The sound of my chest collapsing  My arms turned to dust and I could no longer feel the blood rushing in my legs Everything was still around us  I was meant to be there  Breathing in the silence  I knew it would end  I remember 4am The sound of my wall clock continuing to go in circles  Never getting anywhere  Sleep was a mystery and dreaming only happened...

 •Shut up and explore•  You're stuck here  You're stuck staring at a textbook  Doing equations and never finding the answers the teacher wants  Stuck looking up at fancy rings and pretty faces  Wishing you owned their lives  There is no escaping it  Running through every week  Running through the halls to your next class  Routine routine routine  Push push push  Shove shove shove  I have to be better than you  Then you're out of school into an office  There is no escaping it  She has the perfect husband  Five kids and a big house  Running through every amount of paper work  Waiting for that Friday night  But it starts all over  Out of an office into a nursing home  Her children visit her every weekend  They tell her they miss her and bring her chocolate covered almonds and stuffed bears  You're stuck  Staring out a window  Wishing you owned their lives  ...

 •I'm trying to drown•  The stillness was ghostly  Someone must have snapped their fingers and made it zero gravity You start to notice things  Like the coffee stain on your mothers sweatshirt Or your fathers crooked glasses How beautiful your sisters hair looks in the dim kitchen light Your cats dark and lively eyes  But you look down at your skin A ghost white flashing back into your charcoal eyes  Am I even in this moment? Do they see me? You move aimlessly through the room  Looking for a clue or a sign that this isn't real  The words that came out of your mothers mouth sounded bubbly We're all floating under water  The kitchen table floats above your head The utensils scattered amongst the drowning room  But you lock eyes with your mother  Trying to understand what she's saying  Just gurgling  Then, in a split second, the water drops to the floor  You hear those five words  It could of been any five words "I ...

 •are you the 2,098,567,546,322 galaxy?•  I want to empty my poor body of this poison  The poison that consumes my thoughts and controls my actions  I've hung my flesh on the wall  An intimate staring contest and I'm losing by too many points  I keep telling my self to look at my own heart but I continue to burn through my flesh  What will it take for me to focus on my flooded arteries?  The thumping of my heart in my ears  Should I let my chest bleed out and leave it all behind?  Or seal my veins together  Stitches no longer hold me together  Picking at the string beginning to slowly unravel  Scars like constellations on my back  All I can do is connect the dots  I want to empty my body of this poison  That keeps love behind a locked door  That breaks my legs and holds my hands behind my back  That bends my spine and cracks my jaw  The poison that decays my every being  The being that wa...

 •The Sky Poet•  God was the first poet and the Bible was the first poem  Nothing compares to the word of God The depth and quiet meaning of each chapter  Some things are unexplainable but God teaches them to us in His own wonderful way  We are only human  Our minds cannot process the wonders of God  How everything came to be How everything works  So we make up our own explanations to comfort us Maybe things are better unexplained  Mystery is a beautiful teacher  All we want is comfort  We are never going to be satisfied with our own findings With our own philosophy  We try to portray everything as we see it But why not see it from Gods view  Look through heavens eyes and see the true wonder of it all Stand on top of a mountain  Dive into the depths of the sea  Follow the birds to the south  Crawl with the ants  Hide in the bunny burrows  Nothing is as it truly seems  Stop lying to yourself ab...

 •Lasts and Firsts•  Why would anyone want to go back? Why would anyone want to change it?  Why would anyone give up? There's so much to look forward to  And you can only go forward to see it You can't see where your headed walking backwards  Stop turning around  Look straight Put your chin up  Strap on your high heels Life is full of firsts  Your first kiss First heartbreak  School dance  First love  First breakdown  The first time you wondered what your future holds  But it's also full of lasts  Your last heartbreak  Your last time feeling alone Last time doubting  Last time wondering if everything is really worth it  Last time questioning your true worth  The last time you let your past mistakes control you The past has already been done  You can't change it But that's the beauty of it I guess  You can start a new at any point you want A new you new heart new eyes a new reason to get u...

 •Charge• Do you ever have that moment where it seems like the world is flipping upside down  When trees no longer grow leaves When you can't see the sun passing over your head every morning  the night is cold and damp When your bed no longer feels like home  No matter how hard you try you can never get your hair to look right  That your face is a weird shape and your hips are too small It's just too dark in every room you walk in  Or too quiet  Like there's no gravity at all We're just floating in our own atmosphere but we can't breathe  The mirrors are smashed  Your clothes are dirty  The kitchen floor is sticky  The living room is full of strangers  The dining room is always empty The bedrooms are quiet  The porch light is always on When everything is as it shouldn't be  I took my bike and charged into something that wasn't there  The cold didn't hurt but my fingers were screaming for warmth  My face burn...

 •Days and days•  Why do we count our days like bobby pins? Knowing we have so many and can use them at our leisure The next time you go to use one they're all gone  Lost under your bed and in your backpack  In between couches and stuck behind shelves  Why do we watch the sunset like it's always been 7:00  Colors of red and orange lighting up the outline of the ocean  But never burning  Sitting on a dock and breathing in the salty air and watching the ducks pass you by as you throw bits of bread into the shimmering water  Every scurrying duck trying to snatch a bite  Why do we always live our lives in an agenda? Talking to Wednesday and Thursday like you'll see them soon  Asking Tuesday how it's been  Running away from Monday and Sunday Dancing with Saturday  Loving each one different  But a day is an opportunity  Treat Monday like a close friend  And Tuesday like a brother  Wednesday and Thursday like ...

 •Creatures of the woods•  I don't know where to go  Living in the branch of a tree when all the resources you have is the greedy sky The rain refuses to touch your bruised skin  The sun hides away in the trunk of a willow  I can climb higher but I'm afraid to fall onto the cold ground below me  Stretching into the neck of the forest  No end  No resolution  No way out  Just trees dancing with trees  The wind is a cruel apprentice  Always wanting to knock me off this branch  But I hold on for dear life  I'm tied to this branch  My ankles afflicted with heavy weight  I'm waiting for someone to set me free But I don't deserve it I have to prove I'm right to walk this earth  Waiting for someone to say "Okay now you're free to go" I did not grow these trees  Tame these animals  Speak with the wind  I am a guest and I am unwelcome here I was not taught how to climb trees  Or how to build a...

 •stillness•  And then everything stopped  Like a dime hitting the kitchen table After instances of spinning on the cracked wood  A sudden drop of momentum and then silence  Walking past unblinking eyes  But only for a moment  Just one single moment  Everything is still and the air is holding its breath  These are the things we hold onto  The things we try to forget but the feeling of stillness is unforgettable Almost haunting  But time and moments do not elope  The ticking of the clock on the dining room wall drives me insane  I want to stay in this stillness  In this space  I can't go back to those distant moments  But I can go back to that feeling  The air has started breathing

 •unknown•  I sit on this bench on the corner of a busy street  Watching the stone faces pass me by  Busy eyes  Busy feet  Busy bodies blindly walking the dark streets  And I just sit here alone on this bench  Among these busy organ cases Wondering why I can't get up  Watching others live their lives as they should  The future in the palm of their hands  And mine so far into the horizon that it's already sunk into the deep ocean waves  I should get up and join them  Phone buzzing with business calls  Pushing a stroller  Driving to a dinner party  Fumbling around in my purse to find my wallet  Meeting new people  But I'm not  I'm just sitting alone on this bench on the corner of a busy street  Watching the busy bodies  Busy eyes  Busy feet  Busy minds  But mine is empty  I'm glued to this bench  Continuing to cross and uncross my legs  Twiddle my fingers...

 •Petals•  For some reason I seem to always chase after darkness  I close the shades and shut the windows  I pull the covers closer to my face  But it's hard to keep the light out of my eyes  The sun creeps up behind me and taps me on the shoulder letting me know it'll always be there  My flowers begin to wilt  But I control their growth  I try to catch the petals and stick them back on my stems but they continue to litter the parched  ground  Drying up in the sun's rays  Occasionally, someone picks my dying flowers and puts them high in the window sill  They nurture and care for my flowers better than I ever could  Trimming the stems and being careful not to drown them  But once flowers are plucked off their stems, the petals lose their balance  They start to scatter on the kitchen counter  Like a flower girl throwing petals in the way of the bride  Ready for her big day  But I am no bride...

 I'm being bullied I'm called names  I'm dismissed from the lunch table Scolded for not using a certain language  Made fun of for my hair and my baggy pants  Pointed and laughed at  Not even getting a second glance  Tripping over my untied shoe laces  But no one is around  No no no this isn't from other people  It's just me  And the mirror  A garbage heap of loneliness and hatred  I guess they never bothered to take out the trash  My dirty heart and mind hold hands and skip down the road  Ignoring the cliff they will fall in  Scraping my skin of anything beautiful  Oblivious of the ringing in my ears  I'm half asleep  Dreaming of something better but walking in a furnace  The flames rise higher everyday  But my fading mind is drifting down a river  Knowing I don't belong  I never did  But still I stay afloat  Somehow I'm still drowning  Somehow I'm still standing ...

 •Stranger•  Another happy day goes by  Sitting on trains with strangers  Sipping hot tea in a stranded café Watching the sweet rain run off the side of your car  Sleeping on the roof  Watching dog walkers and lonely joggers pass you on the sidewalk  Wondering what goes through their heads night  Cats digging in garbage cans  Wanna-be pop stars on street corners Book store lights calling your name  Couples arm in arm with shopping bags  Children playing tag in the road  A girl rushing with a cup of coffee in one hand and pushing a stroller in the other  Wondering what goes through their heads at night  Did you even bother to ask them why they're rushing?  Why they're on street corners  To ask about their family  What kind of music they like  Or what kind of coffee they drink  This is temporary  This coffee  This game  This stuff  This night  This life  So tell me ...

 •Sea Shell•  Saying I love you is like giving someone the key to your secret box  They might unlock it  Yet again, they might not If they do , you trust that they close it back up and never tell a living soul  Saying I love you is more than just a sentence in an essay  More than something you say to clear the air  Saying I love you is like giving someone your favorite pair of shoes They could clean them every day  Or stomp around in the mud and ruin them  Saying I love you is like calling someone on the phone at 2am and hearing them cry  Listening and hanging onto all of the details  Like everything they say that has hurt them stabs you even harder  Whenever they hurt, it hurts you right back  Saying I love you isn't something you throw in the ocean and let it sink  You leave it on the beach and wait for someone to pick it up  Like a sea shell, rough and slightly cracked but still a home for a lonely crab Find y...

 •Something I realized•  Someone's life started today  Someone's life ended today  Someone's life changed today  Someone's life got harder today  Someone's life got better today  Someone is writing a love song  Someone is meeting the love of their life Someone is sending their son to kindergarten  Someone is sitting in a hospital bed  Someone got healed  Someone got sick  Someone is making their mark on this dark and mysterious world Composing and creating  Sculpting and painting  Running and leaping  Crying and laughing  But all differently  There's 7.125 billion people in this world  Different bodies  Different minds  Different perspectives  But all a unit  All people  All apart of one great plan  But one goal  To love

 •And I believed it all•  As many times as I've ripped out my own hair  Torn my jeans  Bitten my nails down to the nub and became numb  As many times as I've punched my mirror  Ripped apart my art  Put down my guitar  Silenced my voice  Scratched out my poetry  Put down my fork and pushed the plate away Stayed up till my eye lids would hang in my hands Turned the music off  Stopped chasing  Slowed everything down  Never woken up  As many opportunities as I've had to never walk this earth  Never taste the ocean  Never listen to my mothers voice  Never hear my dad sing  Never laugh with my sister  Never hold anyone's hand  You've pushed me further  Taught me how to fly across deserts and valleys  How to paint colors between black and white photographs  Fit in my own harmony  Jump on that train and go  Go wherever your tracks lead  No metaphors  Purely You...

 •Broken Compass•  We're traveling to far off lands Fighting Pirates and robbers Sailing the stormy seas  Our feet bare and bleeding  We're letting our hair grow because we've stopped getting taller We put on war paint to make ourselves look tough  We eat spoiled apples and wild berries  Ive broken my compass  We travel in endless circles  We've seen all of this before  But we press on  Climbing the same trees and eating the same berries  Was this suppose to be an adventure? Because I keep fighting the same Pirates  These robbers have stolen my sword  I want to sail a different sea  I want to sea mermaids instead of dolphins  A purple sky instead of a blue one Green clouds and white grass  This adventure has been fun But I've got a broken compass  Which way is North?  But I've seen this sea before It's time to start a new one  I'm not tough even with the war paint dry and flaky on my face...

 •Saturday Morning•  I know it's wrong to ask God for your own desires but can this be an exception? Later in my years  When I'm working my dream job  Sitting in my splatter painted apartment  Paintings hanging on every wall Plants in every window sill  Dirty dishes fill my kitchen sink  The clicking of my dogs feet on the wood floor The stillness of the dining room  And my husband laying in the bed I want that Saturday morning where we can just be together  Watching a stupid tv show and eating Cocoa Puffs in our pjs  It's winter time  Too afraid to go out anywhere because of the cold We're cuddled up on the couch with a blanket  I'm drinking from a stupid looking mug full of bitter tasting tea but I still drink it because you made it for me  I want that Saturday morning  I can just let you hold me Softly rubbing my hand  Playing with my unbrushed hair The sound of fake laughter from the tv  mixed with our o...

 •The Artist•  We scold the artist on the streets The artists with bloody hands and red eyes The artists who draw only with pencil or only with paint  The artists with no material at all Awake and bustling with creativity  It's like a drug to them  We punish them for tattooing tunnels and silent trains  Throw them out of class for using too much or too little  Not following the direction on the paper People don't see the graffiti already in the cracks of their cheeks Whenever they smile, another mysterious idea Whenever they open their mouths, another master piece The rattling of their spray cans like a symphony being conducted  Only to be interrupted by sneaky critics hiding in the bushes  Honks and yelling of passing cars  We scold the artists in our minds We criticize our owns works and wonders But it's all beautiful  The crayon drawing from a child The abstract building from an adult  The sketches and paintings from a teen...

 •Share your world with me• There's this feeling I get when I see dark clouds passing over the blue sky I can already feel the rain dripping off my eyelashes and sticking to my legs  The trees shaking and reaching for the sky to catch the droplets  Ready to grow and expand itself to every living creature  The clouds as unpredictable as a crowd  An army of lightening striking the earth  Deathly and clean  Turning night into day in the blink of an eye  There's this feeling I get when I see the sun setting slowly behind a row of trees There are no words to describe the feeling of a sunset  But the heavy, light, peaceful feeling is a word in itself  Ending and beginning the days with a master piece  The sun holding hands with the horizon  A slow dance of blue and orange jumping and leaping throughout the sky Even after the sun tucks itself away, blinking lights illume the dark sky  Tiny lanterns trying to fit in one sky There'...

 •Only One• I could write something about me  Or about my life  About my future  My past About my body  Or about my mind  But it wouldn't really matter to you  This life isn't mine to keep  I could get run over  I could run out of breath My heart could stop beating  None of it would matter  It's not my life to lead  There's something bigger to accomplish  Someone needs to make shapes in the clouds  Someone needs to carve mountains  Someone needs to stretch trees  Color butterfly wings  Teach baby birds to fly  But that's not my job to take  That's not anyone's job to take  Only by One It's done perfectly  Not one flaw  Not one blemish  We've touched the master piece with our greedy hands  Breaking rocks  Cutting down trees Tearing down mountains Shooting down baby birds  Polluting the clouds  Pinning butterfly wings to our walls  Thinking we can be ...

•Opportunities•  I've turned the volume up all the way in my head phones  I never know when dinner is ready If my grandma is leaving I never gave them a kiss goodbye  I never had the last meal  I'm missing every opportunity  Every opened door  I can just reach out and grab it but my vision makes it look too far away to grasp  Everything is blurry  But the sounds are perfectly clear  My finger is stuck on the volume button  It gets louder and louder  And I'm just fine  I'm fine with the destruction in my ear drums  Sitting in the dark  Eventually I lose my hearing  The sound of a bass drum slowly fading away The song ends and I can't hear any longer  I've missed my opportunity to have the last kiss  The last meal  I slammed the door shut  But I can't hear the clash of lock against wood  I don't know where I'm going  I'm locked behind so many doors  I've lost the most important se...

 •War with words• Words are bullets from dying soldiers Sentences war, ending but always beginning again  You either win or lose Stay alive or die  Or get wounded in the process Sticks and stones break my teeth and I can no longer speak  My tongue is too small for my mouth  Too narrow for everything unsaid  I'm at a war with my words  You've scolded me for shouting too loud but you've punched out my teeth and cut off my tongue  You took my broken teeth and glued them in your mouth  You took my bleeding tongue and tied it to yours  You've snatched my words and put them in your own prison  Now I'm at war with your bullets Your dying soldiers marching off to battle  Each one has dropped their gun in front of your feet begging to end the war But you salute them off and turn your back  They march alone  Holes in their arms and legs  You no longer give them medals of honor  Only rewarded with the scars in their he...

 •Someday, you'll see•  Someday you won't hear that sweet honey voice Wake up and smell grease and butter and see her hover over the stove  Her hair a mess of brown slowly turning into grey like leaves on a tree  Autumn is approaching her eyes Colors change and her face begins to droop  She knows summer is ending  But she jumps into the leaves willing to take the risk of the changing colors It's all so beautiful She repeats over and over until green turns into red and orange in her eyes She knows autumn ends and winter slowly bites on our ears  But she jumps into the snow unafraid of the cold nipping her toes  It's all so beautiful  Repeated over and over until grass is covered in a blanket of white  She knows winter ends and spring stretches out of the ground to kiss the clouds But she jumps into a bed of daisies and cares for the bees  It's all so beautiful  Repeated over and over until the flowers lose their petals and wilt ...

 •Have you seen these eyes?• I should just cover my mouth and take it like a bullet to the chest Cover my ears and block it out like a punch to the face  Cover my eyes and face it walking through the dark  I'm cutting my feet on the road I travel  I'm unaware of my surroundings and trip on every obstacle  I'm putting my hands in front of me trying to feel my way through the dark I'm holding onto nothing My eyes have run out of light and my legs are as unsteady as my breathing  I think I've wondered off the road The rocks scarring my feet feel different My hands have turned into lost puppies  Lost and alone with nothing to hold Is this what it feels like to be missing He's put up posters of my dark eyes on street lamps and parked cars In diners and candy shops  But no one seems to notice  My eyes begin to drift along the lonely streets and littered alleys  I thought nothing went unnoticed in this town When something is stolen, sirens begi...

 •Love is indispensable•  If love is patient and love is kind, then I am not love If love does not envy or boast, then I am not love If love is not proud, then I am not love If love does not dishonor others and is not self-seeking, then I am not love If love is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs, then I am not love If love does not delight in evil, then I am not love If love always protects, then I am not love If love always hopes and always preserves, then I am not love  I cannot be love  However I know someone who is love From the beginning of time and age  Writing love into the valleys and peaks Striking the sky Carving the roots in the ground and painting every wing of each butterfly  Turning streams into oceans  Rocks into mountains  Seeds into forests Deserts into biomes Women into mothers Children into creators  Metal hearts into melting chasms Growing grass on dry roads Evil whispers "Love isn't real" So you throw yourse...

 •Homesick• I'm homesick but I don't want to go home A home is suppose to be an escape  But it's what I'm trying to escape from  My chocolate covered window isn't edible  Every breath puts a bitter taste in my mouth  Everywhere I turn is another locked door and bolted window I'm pouring my mind onto paper Nothing makes sense I can't find the harmony in this song I sit alone on the cold kitchen floor  The clicking of my dogs feet and the creaking of the walls are the only harmony I hear  I'm blind behind my tears  But another faint voice takes my heart Who Am I? I cradle your heart  You are my treasure You are mine and mine alone I put the sun in the sky just for you There's a seat for you here at my table  Make yourself comfortable  Come daughter  Drink my water Take my bread Put your weary head on my shoulder  I am a crutch for your broken heart I am a raft for your sinking thoughts  I am a blanket for your cold hand...

 •Empty Walls• These walls are made of broken bones  So fragile that even the slightest jolt can make them crumble in my sharp hands My fists are made of concrete Breaking the bones into millions of pieces  I'm afraid to move or even breathe  I'm too reckless with my words Fire spewing from my teeth These bones are burning  These walls are made of chains  Wrapping around my wrist  Strapping me to the floor  Curling around my neck, all around my legs The rust cutting my arms and blinding my eyes I do not have the strength to break free These walls are made of hatches  Counting away the days slash by slash I've chipped away everything left  My fingers numb all the way down to the bone I can't break through  These walls are made of empty space We're so close yet light years away I keep stretching these walls Where have you gone? Please don't leave me I'm lost in the rings of Saturn  In the sands of Mars In the craters of the moon...

 •One Coat•  I am not a cat I do not have nine lives  I have one coat  It's dirty and slowly decomposing, but it's all I have  So why do I act like a cat?  Walking on four paws jumping from fence to fence  Not afraid of falling off into the abyss of the alleyway  I strut and scare off passing mice on the ground below me  Flicking my paws and whipping my tail  Wild dogs lurking in the shadows behind trash cans and dark sleeping houses Teeth jutting out of their dripping crooked jaws ready to bite  But I walk care free and strong on the fences beside the alleyway The moon shining on my dirty and scraggly coat I take another step and slip into the dark behind a trash can landing on all fours The wild dogs smell my rusting coat and crawl with their backs curled  Swiping and dragging their claws on the alleyway concrete Screeches fill the night air  No one is around to hear After the dogs pick me to the bone, I lie alone in the...

 •Wake me up• My legs can't push pedals  My arms can't open doors My eyes pass over the sun rise My hair stays in knots  Clothes litter my bedroom floor I promise I'll read that book  I promise I'll write another poem I promise I'll write that song that I've been thinking about I promise  I pr... I'm not creative  I'm not an artist  I'm an amputee starfish too lazy to grow I can't hold anything anymore My mind wanders to the moon and stars  Dancing away in the dark Asleep  One pill at a time, sometimes I forget I need them to survive my days I can't put this into fancy metaphors  I'm made of water and broken limbs  Maybe my blood isn't flowing fast enough  Or flowing at all I'm a song without lyrics  A picture book  A children's drawing  A picture worth one word Someone wake me up I'm so sorry  I'm just so tired

 •Pages• We all lack some common sense  We stare into the sun We eat an entire pack of jelly beans  We go to sleep as the sun rises and wake up when the wolves get restless  We fall in love with songs that sting our chests Get drunk with strangers Don't look both ways before crossing, even when no cars pass us by Never wear shoes in the summer  We walk around as open books Filled with pages that we've scribbled, circled and starred Ready for others to write in them But the ink bleeds through ruining the perfect pages we've decorated We've read through these a million times  Soon enough the ink looks like art work We hang it up in our gallery We keep these pages open  Never moving onto the next chapter  We thought the rain would wipe away the ink stained on our eyes and under our finger nails They write with the same pens but have different hand writing  We're tearing open the spine to find everything we are We see splattered ink and dried pag...

 •just a short reminder•  Fill your mind with facts instead of opinions Wear makeup because you want to not because you have to Cover your body because you respect yourself not because you're insecure  Twist and turn on roller coasters  Jump and flip on trampolines  Dip and dive in pools and lakes Climb every kind of tree  Collect sea shells from every ocean Don't be afraid to get your clothes dirty  You can always buy a new dress But you can't buy opportunities  Look for shapes in the clouds  Memorize your lovers face  Write letters  Sing a new song  You're beautiful when you're you

 •I can't speak• I never know if I'm saying these words right. Like someone is going to point fingers and use me as a swear word. I'm riding this bike to nowhere. Instead of walking I want to feel my heart leave this soiled ground. Why is the water always bluer somewhere other then where I'm submerged? I'm drowning and my voice is muffled. The last bubble pops on the surface and water is crashing into my lungs. Everything sounds like a poem. These parables drawn into the mud untouched by clean hand. I'm looking at life through water bobbing and shaking through my finger tips. Bugs still bite my ankles and gravel makes my feet tough and curved. Fire no longer burns my arms. Ice no longer eases the ache. Why can I never say anything right? Letters choke me, sentences cover my mouth. Spit it out. I can't pull my hand away. The world no longer looks green and blue. The water is always too cold. Hunching over my own shadow. My figure skinny and weak. No details. ...

 •Fear• Fear makes my body shiver and my face turn blue Fear dances to a bad rhythm in my feet  Soon I forget how to walk straight  What my next step is  Fear changes what I see in the mirror  Every part of me is a mistake  Something went wrong when I was made  Maybe an incorrect ingredient  Or I wasn't stretched far enough All my fingers are shaking  I can no longer keep the air trapped in my lungs  Fear holds me in a metal box  The clock is ticking until my spine no longer stays up right  Until the last thought in my head hangs there like an unfinished spiders' web  Fear keeps me from the edge of cliffs  You aren't aloud to fly  Pulls the mic from my hands Saying "You aren't good enough, next please." Takes the color from my eyes and holds it in a jar on a high shelf  Everything is the same color and texture  Fear puts me in a maze  A rat trying to find the way out  But the walls rise and fa...