9-4-16 And I Believed It All

 •And I believed it all• 

As many times as I've ripped out my own hair 

Torn my jeans 

Bitten my nails down to the nub and became numb 

As many times as I've punched my mirror 

Ripped apart my art 

Put down my guitar 

Silenced my voice 

Scratched out my poetry 

Put down my fork and pushed the plate away

Stayed up till my eye lids would hang in my hands

Turned the music off 

Stopped chasing 

Slowed everything down 

Never woken up 

As many opportunities as I've had to never walk this earth 

Never taste the ocean 

Never listen to my mothers voice 

Never hear my dad sing 

Never laugh with my sister 

Never hold anyone's hand 

You've pushed me further 

Taught me how to fly across deserts and valleys 

How to paint colors between black and white photographs 

Fit in my own harmony 

Jump on that train and go 

Go wherever your tracks lead 

No metaphors 

Purely You 

As many times as I've stared into my own darkness 

The chasms of my mind being the worst escape 

I got on my bike and went to that place 

As many times as I've destroyed Your master piece 

Told myself I'm as useful as dirt 

Pulled my hands away 

Stopped taking steps 

You tell me I'm perfect 

You turn away rubies for my eyes

And I've believed it all 

As many times as I've said worthless

You've said priceless

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