12-20-16 Nothing Left Behind

 •nothing left behind• 

I'm putting prices on my heart 

It gets lower and lower the longer I wait 

I've torn my chest open too many times 

Revealing and exposing this dark pit strung next to my lungs 

I'd love to crawl through my arteries

Fix every sickle blood cell 

It doesn't feel the same 

Losing my oxygen, turning my blood blue 

Staring at the ash sleeping in my palm

Not much bigger than my fist 

Pulling a needle and thread 

Trying to stitch it back inside 

My chest is a cabinet during a family dinner 

Plate after plate is passed around, Each filled to the brim 

Everyone grabs their keys and leaves in the snowy weather 

The plates are stacked in the kitchen sink along with the forks and knives 

Empty and dirty 

Some are scratched and cracked 

Soon to be thrown away 

And only some are to be cleaned 

All go back into my cabinet 

Never the same, and soon to be taken out again 

I want to lock the cabinet and throw away the key into the deepest abyss 

Cross my arms over my chest 

I'm only going to be destroyed again 

Someone will rip apart my loose stitches 

I wish I wouldn't let the blood drip out 

I'd learn to stitch up my gashes 

Dry blood and scars facade 

I don't know how to fix myself 

But you've made me clear as a summer morning 

White as the first snow in December 

As beautiful as a decorated Christmas tree

Stronger than the waves crashes on the shore 

You've healed my scars even when I never thought they'd disappear 

I've always felt so cold 

My heart disintegrating in my hand 

Littering the ground like broken glass 

You pick up every microscopic piece 

Fit it back together better than it was before 

It feels warm 

Everything is alive 

I can breathe again 

This isn't my heart anymore 

You've formed it better than I ever could

And I thought I could put it back together 

I thought someone would take it 

But no one ever did 

And you walked in and put it back together just like you said it would 

Oh God how you've made me alive 

Take my heart 

Every microscopic piece 

Rebuild my chest and let me love again 

Just like you loved me 

I didn't just give you my heart but you gave me yours 

Every last piece

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